Day 16/84 – Highs and Lows

This morning’s weigh in was 194.2 lbs so still hanging on to some of my weekend weight fluctuation but down 0.5.

The high for the day was my awesome eats! I nailed my macros to the tee and got to enjoy lots of yummy things. I just want to talk about weighing food out for a second. I used to think that was a little too fussy for me and I would measure the odd thing that was highly caloric but yesterday I measured everything down to the gram and tried to be as accurate as possible. Here’s what I found: I actually got to eat more food!

The difference was in using the actual nutritional information from the packages rather than using a generic option on myfitnesspal (the barcode scanner is so handy for that!)

By being more accurate in my calculations, I was able to add a little cheese and sour cream to my “taco bowl” and eat more rice with my Chicken Parmesan casserole all guilt free!

The low for the day, was my run. Again, really struggled and I know it’s not a fuelling issue. My feet and ankles felt very sore and it was a good reminder to stretch after every run! Anyway, I did what I could and walked on an incline for a bit. I’ll try again on Thursday!

Thanks all for today! Have a good one.





Day 15/84 – How I am staying motivated!

This morning’s weigh in was 194.7 lbs, which means I had only a 2 lb weight fluctuation from the weekend fun. Each week it will be a challenge to keep that weekend weight fluctuation to a minimum but I’m going to keep trying!

This morning I had a good work out. I did my standard 10 minutes on the stair mill followed by 3 sets each of squats, walking lunges, chest press, flies, lat pull down and rows. Next week my workouts get switched up and I’m excited for some new exercises.

Eats included a whole wheat english muffin with 2 servings of olive oil Becel, my usual post-gym protein shake, spinach with a whole egg scrambled, 4 oz of ground turkey cooked up with low sodium taco seasoning, 50 g (before cooking) basmati rice, and a tomato and dinner was a Chicken Parmesan Casserole that I saw on Facebook served with another 40 g rice. I’m a little disappointed by how it turned out to be honest so I’m not sure if it is worth posting the recipe. The only plus side is that the chicken turned out to be really tender. The down side is that the cheese and panko really got lost in the mix so I feel like they are unnecessary calories in this dish. In the future, I might just braise chicken breast in marinara sauce. Anyway, stay tuned for an improved recipe.

Now that we’ve gotten through the regular business, I want to share with you how I’m staying motivated. What I’ve done is hung a dry-erase yearly calendar on my office wall. It is almost directly above my computer screen and I literally stare at it all day long.

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It’s tough to see, but I have outlined the 12 week period for this portion of my journey. (It ends on August 21, 2016). Each day I’m successful (as in I stay close to my planned meals and don’t binge) I cross it off with a blue X. Over time, this shows me how far I’ve come.

My goal for this period is to lose 30 lbs, my overall goal is to lose 50 lbs. At the bottom of the page, I have a line for each pound I want to lose and every time I step on the scale and I’ve moved to a new low whole number, I erase a line. I don’t add them back if my weigh fluctuates up a little because I want to be focused on always moving forward. I simply focus on the next time I get to erase a line. Each morning I get to cross of a day or erase a line is really exciting and having this always in my sight keeps me focused all day.

You can also see I wrote “Trust the process” as inspiration at the bottom. This is to remind myself that if you stay consistent and stay on track with the meals. The goal will come. Sometimes you have to remind yourself to be patient which isn’t always easy to do!

Please comment below if you have any questions on my motivation tactics or anything else I’m doing.



Day 9/84 – Healin’ for real this time!

This morning’s weigh in was 197.1 lbs so back in the right direction! I’m starting to feel hungry in between meals which is something I haven’t felt for quite some time. This leads me to believe I am starting to fire up my metabolism in all the right ways and that is very motivating to me! I went to the gym in the morning and completed my 5 km run. Again, I struggled. I didn’t quit, but it wasn’t easy and wasn’t the type of run I’m used to. I’m not sure if it is mental or physical but I’m hoping these struggles pass soon.

Last night to prepare, I did everything I could think of in my arsenal to help my legs feel fresh. This includes, lying with my legs up the wall, wearing compression socks and stretching.


Next time, I might try an anti-inflammatory before I run and see if that helps. I don’t think I’m injured, I think my body is just having a hard time adjusting to the increased work outs. I’m also holding onto a lot of water right now which causes my legs and feet to swell. TOM is just around the corner and probably the culprit. I’m drinking a TON of water right now and my diet is pretty low in sodium (minus the sushi last week). Nonetheless, I finished the run and took the required post-workout swelfie! You can see how excited I look…


Meals were on point for another day in a row! Menu was exactly the same as yesterday except instead of salmon I had 175g of cod.


I also cut back the amount of salad dressing on my salad. I had the macros for 2 tbsp but found that was too much dressing! I cut it back to 1.5 tbsp and it was the perfect amount…it’s all in the details!

Overall, my attitude swings back and forth from excited for the future and sad about the past on almost an hourly basis. I am very proud of myself for sticking to this plan and feeling my feelings rather than self-medicating with food. I will admit, I’m a bit mopey and a little depressed right now but I really want to heal for real this time.

Looking forward to crushing another day tomorrow!



Thoughts: One week post break-up

How am I doing? I probably won’t write any more about this specifically, but I wanted to write down some thoughts now that I’ve had a chance to digest what happened. I also haven’t really told the whole story, so here it is.

We met online. Our banter right off the bat was hilarious and very entertaining. I really liked his personality and was excited to meet him in person. When we met, my initial reaction was a twang of disappointment because I wasn’t sure how attracted I would be to him. I decided to let that go and see what was there purely based on his personality. Our conversation was great and it was one of the best first dates I have ever been on. He kissed me good night. The kiss was good. We made plans to hang out the next Sunday (I think this was a Tuesday). The messaging and banter continued and he invited me over to his place to cook dinner together. I had a minor freak out and tried to sway the date to do something a little more public but he persisted. I gave in and we had a fantastic night. Clothes stayed on, we got a little drunk drinking wine and made out. Everything seemed very genuine. He was sweet and wonderful. There were many dates that followed: movies, picnics, breakfasts, lunches, the planetarium, endless hang outs at my place or his. We were seeing each other 2 – 3 times per week which was about all his schedule could allow for (co-parenting situation). He would do nice things for me like fill my BBQ propane tank and bring me flowers. We skyped on nights he had the kids after they went to bed. There was no indication that anything was awry. The sex was even good.

Just after the two month mark, he came to watch me compete at a horse show. That day he met my mom. We had lunch together. It was a kid day so he had to leave, and it was after that I started to notice a difference. Suddenly he had the kids a lot more. We couldn’t see each other on Saturdays. The banter stopped. No skype sessions. I felt like I was chasing him. I can assure you though, I’m not the kind of girl who gets needy and starts power-texting when I feel like I’m being ignored. One night we had plans and just before he was about to show up, he called me and told me he wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t coming over. Since I had noticed a distance growing between us, I asked him if we were ok and he assured me we were. We hung out a couple times after that and then the text messages became fewer and fewer so I called him out and asked what was going on. Silence. He said nothing to me for 5 days! Then I get a text explaining that I haven’t done or said anything wrong but he needed space, felt like we should be closer to love at this point, and wants something different for his future.

I could spend all night dissecting what I think went wrong but there’s no point. I will never know. The true question I have to ask myself is: do I really think he was the best guy that ever happened to me? No. I don’t. It hurts my ego to think that I’ve been rejected but on the same note, I’m not sure that he could have satisfied me in the long run. I’m driven and ambitious. He isn’t. He doesn’t understand why I would stay in a stressful job and I think over time this would drive a wedge between us. I found his lack of ambition to be a bit of a turn off. If I was thinking those things so early, it doesn’t bode well for the future. If anything, I have to come away with some lessons learned.

  1. I will try to be more open when I’m feeling disconnected. I know I’m not great at talking about feelings. This is something I can work on.
  2. Ambition is something that I value.

My bruised ego will heal. It mostly has. It has been hard to let go of the what ifs and the I wonder whys, but I know I will. I’m still a little angry that he didn’t have the decency to have a face to face conversation about any of this, but that anger will also subside. So right now, that’s where my head is at. I’m focusing on myself and preparing for the time when I get brave enough to date again. For now, my life is all about me for a change and I’m taking quite a lot of pleasure in my self-investment.

Thanks for listening!



Day 8/84 – Trust the Process

This morning I weighed in at a disappointing 199.5 lbs which means in one week, I lost 0.2 lbs. Here are my thoughts on the matter:

  1. This is what makes dieting and changing your lifestyle hard. You can do everything right, for a day, a week, a month and you will still be fat. Making real, serious changes takes a long time and you have to be patient. The hard part is reminding yourself of this daily.
  2. Since I have lost weight in the past, I know it takes a while for my body to respond. Typically, I will start a journey like this and it will take 3-4 weeks to see a difference on the scale. All of a sudden, I will weigh myself and 10 lbs will be gone. I just have to trust that if I stay on track, this will happen.
  3. I am still holding a lot of water. I was hoping the hot yoga on Sunday would help to reduce some of it, but it doesn’t seem to be the case. I drank a lot of water today (120 ounces) and so hopefully I’ve flushed some of it out.
  4. Tomorrow is a new day. Just keep swimming!

I had a great workout this morning and increased weights on almost all my exercises. I did 3 sets of 10 each of squats, walking lunges, incline bench press, flies, lat pulldown and rows, plus a 10 minute interval warmup on the stairmill.

Meal 1 – a banana and a hard-boiled egg white.

Meal 2 – protein shake


Meal 3 – 2 eggs plus half a cup of egg whites and a handful of spinach


Meal 4 – 4 oz of salmon, mixed greens with red pepper, cucumber and grape tomotoes (100g of each) and tbsp of Jamaica Mistake.


Meal 5 – My Chicken Enchilada Bake


Meal 6 – An Oikos fat free greek yogurt, cherry flavor…mmmm!

For the day this comes to:

1481 calories, 146 Carb, 48 Fat, 116 Protein.

Tomorrow morning is a 5 km run. Hopefully it goes better than my last few runs because they haven’t been going well. Stay tuned!



Day 3/84 – A win and a fail!

This morning’s weigh in came in at 197.5 lbs down 0.7. I was hoping this water weight would come off a little quicker so I really focused on my water intake today to try to flush it all out. I’m starting to feel way better than I did Monday.

Yesterday in my moping misery I decided I would engage in some retail therapy and purchase a pair of wireless headphones that I have been coveting.  I want to listen to music while I’m lifting weights but since I record my workouts in body space, I can’t just throw my phone in an arm band. It would be so inconvenient. Anyway, the headphones I wanted were $30 off (score!) And I was super stoked to try them out during this morning’s work out. When I got to the gym I realized that I remembered the headphones but forgot my phone so I had nothing to connect them to.  FAIL!

Nonetheless I got a great workout in and will look forward to trying them out during Friday’s workout.

I’m so proud of myself for another day of perfect eating. I’m not going to repost everything I ate because it is exactly the same as Monday. I went for about a 1.5 hour hike with a friend this evening (and Whitaker too!) And the old me would have come home and eaten the house down. Instead I saved my biggest meal for after the hike and I sat down and really savoured every bite. When I was done I did have thoughts of eating something a little extra but raided my herbal tea stash instead. Meyer lemon tea did the trick and I might pick up a few extra flavors to try in times like these. So I’m still on track and another  $5 goes into the bikini fund.


Tomorrow is my first challenging day since I re-committed to myself. I have to work on site with customers all day. (I usually work from home). I have planned out my morning meals on the road. They all fit into the calorie budget and then I have my prepared meals already waiting for me when I get home in the evening. Tomorrow will end up being a slightly higher carb day that should be (50% instead of 40%) but that’s ok because I have another 5km run planned for the evening.

Here I go! Wish me luck (on this project too)!


Day 2/84 – Owner of a broken heart

It’s official. The boy called it off. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming but it hurts just the same. I was pretty upset for most of the day but I’m really trying to find the positives in it all.

  1. I did not deviate from my food plan. I stayed on course 100%. This tells me I’m focused and on the right track here.
  2. Even though I’m sad right now, I feel like this experience has lit a fire in me. I’m not really happy, in general. I have work to do on myself. If someone fell in love with me now, they wouldn’t be falling in love with the real me. I need to be closer to that person before I find the right guy. Bottom line: I need to invest in myself first.

The next couple of months are going to involve me falling in love with myself. I think until that happens I need to stay away from the boys.

Out of my misery, my BFF and I came up with a brilliant plan. We are both September babies so we are going to plan an epic vacay in September to celebrate. This gives me something great to look forward to as well as the motivation to workout and eat right. I made myself a deal that for every day I eat on plan, I will put $5 in the bikini fund. There’s a potential to have up to $600 for vacation clothes which is very exciting! It may sound cheesy but I think these little incentives are very motivating.

Weighed in this morning at 198.2 lbs…happy it is some water weight taking a hike!

Today’s workout was a 5km. It was very humid today so I decided to run on the treadmill. It was rough and I struggled really badly, but something really awesome happened. It’s like a switch flipped in my brain and all of a sudden I had two personalities. I had the weak-minded quitter who just wanted to stop and then I had drill sergeant Hazel who would not let weak Hazel stop running. I was literally screaming at myself in my head.


I don’t know where this person came from but I hope she sticks around. She’s kind of awesome! And here are the sweaty results of that run:


So I ran 5km in 33:49 and it was hard and I wanted to quit but I didn’t. Tomorrow is a new day. Looking forward to getting as far away from this day as possible. Deep breaths.